Speakin' with the Cap'n

[Jordan Maxwell]

Jordan decided to start her list in order, she had a good deal of people she had to speak with, might as well start with the on that asked to see her first. Jordan took a deep breath before she knocked on the door. She was nervous and almost felt as though she was being sent to the principals office for doing something bad.

Knock, knock, knock."Cap'n?"

The moment she knocked she regreated it. Maybe she should have seen Dru first. At least that conversation would be almost enjoyable right? Well at least she assumed it would be. However for now, she was here. When given the go ahead he would walk into the office, and try to look brave. However, she knew more than likely she would just looked scared out if her mind.

[Lars Engström]

Lars was sitting at his desk, thinking, and playing with a little model ship when his visitor arrived. He knew perfectly well who was at his door well before he heard Jordan's voice. The gentleness of the knock on his door had given her away. He registered the nervous energy in the mechanics voice as well. He remained at his desk, feet kicked up, leaning back in his chair. It was his favorite way of sitting. "Come on in Jordan," He called out, setting the little model of a ship he had been playing with on the desk, and picking up a pen that was laying there. He began to run his finger up and down the pen, something he enjoyed doing when he was thinking. He found that the smoothe texture had a way of keeping him grounded.
While he waited for Jordan to come in, he began to think about what he wanted to say, or at least what he wanted to know. There were plenty of questions that needed answers, and he had traced most of them back to her. "Well, don't rush or anything," He said with a laugh, when she failed to enter right away, "I have all day you know."

[Jordan Maxwell]

Jordan sighed then entered slowly. She closed the door behind her. This was not going g to be enjoyable she could feel it deep down. Looking at Lars she wasn't sure what to say to him. Taking that as the point of why she was here she sat down at the chair across from him and forced a smile. "Something bothering you Cap'n? I fixed everything as quickly as I could."

[Lars Engström]

Lars watched Jordan as she made her way into his office, and waited until she was seated to speak. He moved his feet off the desk, but otherwise he sat still, and watched. When she seemed to be settled, he stood up and began. "So, the other night, I happened to be up rather late." He started, walking over to a shelf and picking up a shiny rock he had found somewhere. "When i noticed a certain mechanic walking towards the passenger dorms." He paused, careful to keep his voice even, and then he turned around to face her. "So unless you have decided that the crew quarters are not to your liking, and moved in with someone, I have to wonder why that would be your choice of places to go in the middle of the night." He walked back over to his chair and sat down. "So tell me Jordan," he said looking her in the eyes, "What mechanical emergency would have dragged you out of that hammock of yours and into the passenger area? Was the door stuck?" Leaning back he waited for a response.

[Jordan Maxwell]

"The reason was completely personal and has nothing to do with the rest of the ship Cap'n." She just stared into his eyes, however, she knew he wasn't going to let it go, so she decided to tell him her reason for going in there, and leave it at that. "I went in there to speak to Dru, I havn't been sleeping since I shot that woman. I... I have been having nightmares and thought she might beable to help." Jordan shrugged, she had helped. Jordan slept well in Dru's room, she felt safe and protected. However, sleeping back in her hamock she was still having nightmares, and they were becomming more vivid as time went on. Several times, she had fallen out of her hamock, or simply work up holding in a scream of terror.

Her father told her when she was young, that 'not everyone is made for killin' folk, and you, buttercup, and one of those people. You will never stomach a kill, it will eat you up inside, never pull that trigger.' his voice flashed through her head. She realized she had a blank expression on her face as she heard her father's voice, followed by his screams. She smiled to Lars, trying to come back to reality. "Does it matter why I was there?"

[Lars Engström]

Lars waited but said nothing. He merely listened until she was done speaking, and then remained quiet, raising an eyebrow at her last comment. He sat for a few minutes, thinking about what she had said. He wasn't looking forward to this, but there were things he had to say. "Jordan, I am sorry." He said, his voice was reduced to a whisper and he wasn't sure why. "I am fully to blame for what happened to you, and that girl. It was all my fault, I was weak, and now you are suffering for it." He stopped, and cleared his throat, before continuing. "I feel terrible for putting you in that situation, and by rights you should hate me for it." He stopped talking, realizing that she probably already hated him anyway. "I don't have any excuse for what i did to you, and all I can say is I'm sorry." He stopped, knowing there was nothing more to say. He knew she had much more important things to do, and decided that this conversation could continue later, if need be. "As far as your night time wanderings," he said, trying to get his composure back, "As long as they don't interfere with your duties, or with the other crew members, I don't care what you do." He quickly added, "Within reason of course."
Lars didn't know what to do, and he simply lapsed into silence.

[Jordan Maxwell]

"I don't hate you Cap'n. All my hate is used up on the Reavers." She smiled to him a little. "We all learned something, I didn't think I could pull a trigger of a gun at a living creature, we learned that Trace isn't much of a medic... I think it was a win. After all we are still flying, we still have the ship, and sometimes, I think that has to be enough to keep moving forward." She was trying her best to stay strong, not just for Lars, but for everyone else. At the moment she felt like the sticky substance that was holding everything together. Though she doubted that to be true, she needed to believe it just to stay together herself.

"Cap'n we all learned that last time, we just have to remember what happened and learn from that. I think our next adveture will be one to remember, for all the right reasons. So, no hate, no pitty, and no sorrow. My daddy use to say, 'Life is what you make of it, you always lookin' at the past, and lookin' at the hurt, you will end up a puddle of goo, let it go child.' and I always have." She knew that excluded the Reavers, but they killed her family, that was different then feeling guilty over something he could not control.

[Lars Engström]

Lars was struck by her words, and made a note to find out more about this side of Jordan. "Well, your daddy had a good point," He said after a moment. "I think i could stand to gain by taking those words into more of a practical sense." He looked at Jordan, "You know, I learn something new about you every day." He smiled. "And I am glad you found your way onto my ship." Standing, he continued. "If you have anything you need, let me know, but i think there are several other people who need to talk to you as well." He turned, and then, "There isn't anything else, is there?"

[Jordan Maxwell]

Whe he brought that up her mind went to Trace, the person she had just been speaking with. She stood up and shrugged, picking at her left hand she didn't look up at him. "Nothing I can't handle in the long run Cap'n. My daddy was a good man up until the day he died. I try hard to not remember him on that day." She stared blankly at her hand for a moment, then returned to her normal smile and looked up at Lars. "Nothing I can't handle, Just need to figure out how to handle everything first. Is there anything you need Cap'n?"

[Lars Engström]

Her words reminded Lars of what he had meant to ask. "As a matter of fact there is," He said, "I was going to ask you if you need anything specific parts wise?" He looked at her, "We did get paid, and if you need to buy parts, then the Core is the place to do it." He laughed, "None of those ex rebebls who want an arm and a leg for something they probably stole anyway, course, if you mention Alliance, they wont even speak with you, let alone do anything cept spit on you." He shrugged, "But anyway, make a list and Ill send it ahead, I have a few friends who can get everything ready for us before we even get there." HE smiled, and turned away, "The alliance knows how to keep things running smoothly."

[Jordan Maxwell]

Jordan picked up a metal cup on Lars' desk. She knew it wouldn't hurt him. "Your precious has no issue letting people rot. They have no morals, and as for smooth as you put it. It's a well oiled death trap of the honest working people on the rim." She threw the cup at him, in her blind anger, she was sure she missed as she turned and started towards the door.

[Lars Engström]

"Jordan what..?" Lars was startled by the anger in the voice, and his own question was cut short as he turned around just in time to catch the cup she had thrown at him. Seeing her moving towards the door, he stepped in front of her, blocking her way out and grabbing her shoulders. He hadn't really ever noticed just exactly how much shorter than him she was, and he was glad for the extra length in his arms, because he didn't want her to get too close. "Jordan what is going on here?" He said, struggling to keep his voice from rising, she was quite the fighter, and he was having trouble keeping her in check. "Miss. Maxwell, STOP!" His last words turned into a full on shout, and he looked down upon her, before speaking. "Setting aside the fact that you threw a cup at me, hows about you sit back down and explain yourself before i get the doctor to make you sit down." He was hoping she wouldn't make him follow through on that threat. "What in the Gorram 'Verse got to you?" He was not quite sure what the Alliance had against her, or rather what she had against the Alliance, but it was time to find out. "Now start talking, and I want the truth."

[Jordan Maxwell]

"When I was a kid, on Lilic, some robbers enter the bank. Two white men, a black woman and a white woman. The white woman, River I think her name was, was a seer. She was there to keep us quiet. She also knew when the reavers attacked. Teh robbers left us, and I was standing there, watching as my father ran out to try and get in their Mule. He left me, left me there with the others in the bank. We hid inside of the vault for a long as we could. When we surfaced, the town was dead, my father, shot through the heart, and my mother, her body was never found." She looked away from him. "I was sold, shortly after that, so a family friend could make ends meet, sold into a teraforming group. Which you already know. I could have been saved Lars. The Alliance was suppose to send support, evac the children, get us out of there. And the Gorram law came, and they didn't take us. They left us all there. Then I was sold, something that could have been prevented! They just had to do what they were being paid to do! They took the money and RAN! I was beaten, I was starved." She pushed his arms off of her shoulders and she stared up at him. "I was raped, because the gorram Feds couldn't do their jobs and get the children off the planet. So screw the Alliance, they can't be bothered to help, why should I bother with them?"

Tears started to stream down her cheeks as she looked up at him. She hated having to tel him, though she supposed he had a right to know. She kept it all inside, she always had, and telling him didnt' cure her want to be far from the Alliance. She didn't hate any one person, she just disliked the orginization as a whole. People could do well on their own. They didn't need a government ruling for a far. They needed something closer to home. Something they were unwilling to provide.

[Lars Engström]

Lars let her talk, he let her get everything out, and he didn't fight when she took his arms off of her shoulders. She was no longer in any state to fight, he could see that. "Jordan, I had no idea." He said, not sure if she was going to listen or not. "What happened to you was wrong, I have no doubt about it, those men should be stripped of command and thrown out into the black." He paused, "But either way, to throw down an entire organization, based on the acts of the few? That is a little irrational." As he spoke he reached over and grabbed a kerchif from his coat pocket, offering to her. "I Wasn't there, but if I was I would have shot the officer who left you there." He paused, "Not because he was Alliance, but because he was a disgrace to the uniform he wore, to men." Lars moved away from the door, and picked up the cup from where he had dropped it. "I can't order you to support the alliance, but I can ask you to think about the other people who you are talking about." He looked back at her, "It may sound selfish, but if The entire Alliance is so bad, then why haven't you tried to kill me yet?" He placed the cup on his desk, and then leaned up against the desk. "I support the Alliance because peace is what we need, and because they Alliance is the best hope for getting peace, and keeping order. I don't support them because they are a way to get easy money, and take advantage of those less fortunate." He stopped, "MAybe you could try to think of me a little better?"

[Jordan Maxwell]

Jordan didn't look at him. "I had never hurt anyone, until that woman, that is. I don't hate people, I hate the orginization, maybe not the people as much, but.... Cap'n, We need peace, just not the way they are forcing it." She looked back at him then sighed heavily as her heart settled in her chest. "Don't tell the others..."