.alone. [Sid & Ben]

[aliceayers]

Lindsi lay alone on her new bed, her door ajar. She had been given accommodations on the ship recently, and decided it might be nice to be alone for a bit. Seeing as Ben was supposed to be off and way for a little while, she saw it as a good opportunity for taking that alone time. She felt awful, but she couldn't help but long for her old comforts. Her large bed with silk sheets. Her plush carpet. However, she had a feeling that Ben had given her the best accommodations the ship could offer.

She fingered the old embroidered sheets, sighing softly as thought about her predicament. It was precarious. That was for sure. She was scared. Seriously scared. She rolled over so she could stare at the cold metal ceiling. Her hands grasped hard at the sheets, she hated being on ships. They made her feel... caged. And something about space unnerved her. Maybe it was the fact that it was so unending. Easy to get lost in. She mused over her ridiculous simultaneous fear of lack of freedom and too much freedom.

She sighed again, closing her eyes.

[Sidney Bainbridge]

Sidney was walking the halls. He had a lot on his mind with their new guest and all. He was worried about her feeling comfortable. She had always seemed to cringe when he talked about being on a ship and he had always assume she wasn't much of a fan of the idea. He paced paced past her room a few times then down to the common area.

Come on old man, he thought, just stop in a check on her. its no big deal. And with that he walked back to her quarters and gave a gentle tap on the door. "Hey Lindsi it's Sidney." he called out gentle. He didn't want to wake her if she was sleeping.

He gave it just a second and started to walk off but then turned back to the door and cracked it open. He needed to make sure she was comfortable if he was every to stop worrying. She had always tended to his worries and issues and this was finally his turn. She had been his muse that inspired him to keep going in life. She had been his confidant for all his trusted secretes or at least most of them.

"Ya there Lindsi?" he asked before stepping around the corner to find her in the room with her eyes having just shut. He smiled to see her laying there peacefully it was much better then her having been pacing as well. He hoped everything was starting to settle in for her.

[aliceayers]

Lindsi's hands were twisted furiously in the sheets in a foolish attempt to sooth her racing heartbeat. Something Sidney had seen before. But as he entered the room, she seemed to be able to control herself much better, calming down merely at his presence. She smiled without even opening her eyes.

Her hands released the sheets, her knuckles white, to sign to him. 'Hello Sidney. Want to talk?' she signed. Smirking at her own little joke. As she wouldn't be doing any 'talking' any time soon.

She opened her eyes slowly, patting a spot beside her on the bed for him to sit down. Now that she wasn't having to balance both of her worlds with Ben around, she seemed more comfortable. After all, Sidney was a good friend of hers. While she should be nervous of being alone with him? Perhaps the fact that he had seen every inch of her body. Right down to the few freckles on her rear.

[Sidney Bainbridge]

An honest smile adorned his when she saw her grip leave the sheets and that comforted look that poured across her body. It was the first time in a long time her had smiled with such truth behind it. He gave a small chuckle at the notion of talking he knew she wouldn't be saying a word and he himself wasn't that fond of talking much either.

With her they usually said everything through their hands. It was simpler that way it seemed he could truly say what he was thinking that way. She gestured for him to sit down next to her. For a moment he thought it best not to, after all she was Ben's love, but he let that thought give way to the comforts of familiarity and took his place at the edge of the bed. 'Oh course, I always enjoy out talks.' he signed back to her as he let out a small sigh of relief.

He let his leg stretch out in front of him taking the pressure off his knee. It was strange to think of Lindsi knowing Ben and he wondered what all was their past. 'How are you adjusting to being here.' He questioned, he didn't want to go straight in to her past with Ben and he didn't really feel it his business.

[aliceayers]

Lindsi scooted towards him, pushing herself up on the old squeaky bed to sit next to him. Her shoulder rubbed against him, another familiar comfort. She smiled at him, resting her head on his shoulder.

'Doing okay. You know I hate flying,' she signed in her lap. Then she gestured to his knee, 'How are you? You seem to be in pain a lot.' She gestured to the ship, 'What are you doing working again? I thought I told you to find a pretty lady and settle down?'

It was nice to be herself on the ship. In this new place she was to call home for a length of time. She loved Ben. Always had. But there were so many secret there, she barely felt an sense of comfort. It bothered her. But Sidney knew who she was, and didn't care. More-over, he respected her, accepted her profession, and had become a close friend. She nuzzled her head against his shoulder as she thought about everything.

[Sidney Bainbridge]

Her head pressed gently on his shoulder and brought back memories. They had spent many hours like this in the pass just getting to know each other. Sidney could not have asked for more in a friend then someone willing to accept him and all his sins. She let him know she was doing alright be it the truth or just to settle his worries about her he didn't know, either way it worked. 'Yeah I figured as much' he replied to her confession of hating flying.

He saw her gesture toward his knee and knew exactly what she was to say right as she said it. It had been getting worse, he wasn't sure if it was just age or the continued work, but he had to make ends meet some how. "Never been good with money and never been much for sitting around.The knee hasn't given out yet, it'll make it through.' He suggested with a sloppy sign. He never did get to good at it but he was sure she had gotten used to his little errors and clumsy hands.

He had missed the times they had spent together in the past and he got the notion she sort of felt the same way. It was a chance for both of them to be themselves and be accepted for what they were. He hadn't ever looked at her as having just been doing a job. She was more then that she was a kind person and she share that kindness with him. For a moment all the pain and sins that followed him everywhere faded away it was just them now free to be themselves. 'Not to many ladies out there as forgiving as you ya know. You've spoiled me in the search for the right one.' He chuckled a bit as he signed it to her. It was his poor way of trying to complement her.

'So what are you planning now that your here?' He wanted to get her mind off the fact that she was on the ship and stop her worrying. There was a lot to catch up on since the last time they had talked but he couldn't help but think of the here and now.

[aliceayers]

Lindsi loved his little signing mistakes. They usually resulted in him saying he'd like to do naughty things with a cow and the like. And as he spoke of his knee, he had somehow managed to slip the word 'goat' in there. She silently laughed, holding his hands to show him how to correctly signal for 'given'.

'Your signing has gotten sloppy,' she remarked, smirking. She kissed him gently on his cheek as he complimented her in his own way.

'Nonsense. I'm sure you just haven't been looking,' she replied, nuzzling his shoulder again.

'Ben and I, we met before Serenity Valley. We fell in love. Long story short, we never got our chance, and I haven't seen him in ten years. To be honest, you've seen more of me than he has,' she signed, her hands moving in his lap to make them easier to read. 'He doesn't know what I am, and I think it should stay that way for a while. Please let me tell him when I am ready. Promise me.'

[Sidney Bainbridge]

Sidney watched carefully as she corrected his sign. He always tried his best to get it right so she would know what he was saying, but she always did know what he meant when he made a mistake. He gave a small chuckle again when he realized what he signed instead. 'Haven't had a lot of practice lately.' he explained through his signs.

He didn't really reply to her guess about him not really looking. It was true he never had much hope of finding someone to understand him and in the end it had always taken a back seat to his work. He couldn't help but work it was the only thing that kept his mind from his past. A past that he hadn't told anyone else about. Lidnsi was the only one who knew his past as a pirate as a kid. What he had to do during the war, and his jobs he ran from Haven that took so many lives. Though there were tails he even kept from her. Tails that couldn't be justified.

He remembered the first time they had met he had set up a meeting with her as a place to keep himself hidden from authorities after a job that involved a Shepard. It was something he tried not to think about but it followed him everyday since.


He snapped back to when she began signing about her and Ben at Serenity Valley. He hadn't been back there since he was medically evacuated after his injuries. 'Your secret is safe with me, discretion is needed with both our our histories. I'll allow you to decide when and where it is time for that.' he made sure to reassure her that her secret was safe. They held so many of each others secrets and wouldn't ever betray her trust. He slid his hand behind them and rubbed her back to comfort her. This was bound to be a hard situation for everyone but they would all make it through.

[aliceayers]

Lindsi nodded gently into his shoulder. She knew he would understand. With secrets of his own that easily cause more problems than hers, he stood on the same ground as her. She wiggled her legs as they hung over the edge of the bed.

'Your always safe with me. Secrets and all,' she signed in an attempt to comfort him as his mind drifted away to old deeds done by a man that no longer existed. 'Sid, you've changed since then, you're a good man. I know it, she re-enforced. She gave him another gentle peck on the cheek, and one on his forehead. Her lips lingered there for seconds before pulling away and smiling at him.

She replaced her head on his shoulder. 'Would you like me to massage your knee?' she signed, trying to help allivate some of his pain, internal and external.

[Sidney Bainbridge]

He appreciated her word of comfort, it always did it's fair share to sooth his mind. He acknowledgment of him having chance had some truth behind it. He had chance but he question why he had changed. Was he really a better person on just to old and covered in lasting wounds and scars to be able to do much of what he used to. Either way it was nice to hear someone who knew that past accept who he was.'Thank you Lindsi, thank you for always knowing the right thing t say.'

He leaned his head against hers as she rested on his shoulder. She had suggested helping sooth his knee but he really didn't want her to move from where they were. 'I think having you this close helps enough. It really will be fine just need to take some time to let it rest one of these days.' He signed to her.

For now he was good the scars the pain and the past didn't matter. He was whole once again. He knew it was only temporary but that was good enough for him. Soon he would have to go back to work and back to the truth but now was their time. Now they were free in the black to be themselves. They were alone. 'Do you remember back on Sihnon a few years back. It was in the middle of the summer. It had to have been three years back now.'

He paused to remember. He was there on another job and when he found out she was to be there he stalled the whole job to see her. It had upset the person he was running the job for quite a bit and he got more then just a few choice words from his client when he finally finished but it was worth it. She had booked this old Chinese garden modeled after one that was on Earth-That-Was. twelve acres of garden and it was reserved for just them for the day.

It had been one of Sidney's favorite memories and one he had held on to closely during hard times. 'I think back to that summer quite often. You remember right? The garden it was beautiful but still never compared to you.' He signed with a smile.

[aliceayers]

Lindsi smiled as he reminded her of their day in the garden. Such a special day. 'Do you remember the koi pond? Those large fish? They kept eating the crackers and bread I had for the ducks. And they even nibbled on my fingers. I wanted one so bad, and you promised to buy me one,' she signed quickly, excitedly, before giving him a pouty look, 'I never got that fish.

She giggled silently, linking one of her ankles around his in a gentle movement. 'That was a wonderful day, she signed, sighing softly. I guess I won't be having any days like that anymore, she added, closing her eyes.

[Sidney Bainbridge]

Sidney remember the Koi pond and the Koi in it. He even remember them nibbling her fingers. It was a good day they had no doubt about it. He also remembered promising her to get her one. When he had returned to haven after that trip he searched the planet for one of them. He didn't realize they weren't anywhere to be found there. He tried to have one shipped to him from Ariel but when it arrived it hadn't survived the journey.

He figured he would go fetch one himself after all he was good for his word. He would end up seeing her a few more times before he made that trip. He ended up traveling all the way to Ariel himself and bought one. It even survived the trip back home.

Over the next few months it would grow and do well, but then came a job where he was sent to track someone down there on haven. He had been so good about making sure it was taken care of when he traveled. It just didn't cross his mind that it would take him that long there on Haven. It like the one before hadn't survived.

'I haven't forgotten my promise Lindsi. You will have that fish someday I sand by that promise.' And he fully intended on trying again. eventually they would be somewhere he could get one. They weren't cheap but he never cared much about the money. He didn't feel like telling her he had already tried a few times prior. 'Next time we are in the core I will.'

He felt her leg wrap around his. Everything she did so so familiar and inviting. It was said to hear her talk about never being able to do any of it again. 'Life will only get better with time. At some point we all realize we have to make our future and not let it make us.' He signed to her as he thought about it. He had learned that each person had to choose their own path without letting anything cause you to stray. 'You have lived an interesting life and if that's what you want it to be keep it that way.' He knew that Ben wouldn't be happy with her "interesting life" but he would have to accept it as part of Lindsi. He felt out of line thinking it though. It wasn't anymore his place to be telling her what to do.

[aliceayers]

Lindsi was now melancholy, a sad smile on her face. 'Ben won't go anywhere near the core unless he has to. I'm surprised he was bold enough to appear on Osiris,' she signed in his lap. She shook her head against his shoulder, 'No, I don't think I'll ever see my home again.'

'My future was so clear before. Last week I was looking into getting a dog. Now I'm on a ship with you and Ben and I don't think I want my old life again, but I know I don't want to live on a ship for the rest of my life. Ben is meant to live on a ship. Meant to keep fighting against the Alliance. Such like you. But I'm not. I cannot. I lost a lot in the war, but I just can't.'

She drew her legs up to her chest, drawing her leg away from his. She sat like that for a moment before laying down and placing her head in his lap, 'I feel so lost...'

[Sidney Bainbridge]

Sidney continued to watch as she signed to him. He felt a little wave of sadness cross him as he thought of her not ever being able to return home or be herself again. She might be right that Ben would avoid the core for as long as he could.

She was right after all about them, they kept fighting even when it was a lost cause to keep fighting. It was their nature and it would take an act of God if there was one to get either of them to stop. 'Ben has been fighting for so long but you might just be what is needed to change that. He still has hope for a real life with you here now.'

She laid her head down in his lap. It made Sidney smile but then she said she was lost. He began to stroke her hair for a moment leaving a void in the silence. it was peaceful but it wasn't going to help, he needed to calm her nerves with something. 'Lindsi, don't think of it as lost just think of it as transitioning to somewhere you don't know of yet.' he tried to explain to her.

She had quite the dilemma but she would figure it out and Sidney planned on doing whatever he could to help along the way. 'You can over come this. You'll just need to do what will make you happy.' He signed to her. It wasn't much but he was never good with words be them verbal or in sign.

[aliceayers]

Lindsi rolled over so she was looking straight up at him, one eyebrow raised. 'Ben won't stop fighting, not even for me. He's like you. And you cannot tell me you would stop fighting for a woman like me,' she signed, sighing gently. 'No, my future was signed the day I was pulled aboard this ship. I cannot go back to the life I had. Not without some elaborate excuse as to how I managed to end up on the same ship as Ben. He's pretty gorram famous.'

'And I really wanted that puppy,' she signed, giggling silently, a smile appearing back on her beautiful face. It quickly gave a way to a twinge of sadness.